Episode 9
Self-Growth, Money, and Advancing Men w/ Dave (The Iron Tamer) Whitley
Every man has a desire to advance his life in a powerful way. If that man is a Dad, he wants to be a hero to his kids in the process.
In this episode, I interview Dave "The Iron Tamer" Whitley from The Advancing Man Project.
He's a literal strong man who drives nails through wood with his hands, bends horseshoes, and rips decks of cards.
Dave is not only a strong man, but also a brilliant mind who has worked hard on his own personal development.
He's used the mental training techniques from being a strong man to improve his relationships, his business, and other areas of his life.
He's now helping other dads who are health and fitness minded, business-oriented, and entrepreneurial advance their lives forward.
Dave drops value bombs all the way through this episode. It's good enough that you'll want to listen twice.
Be sure to check out his website and join his upcoming workshop (FREE) at: AdvancingManProject.com.
Transcript
M. hm.
whitley]:My man,
owens]:What's going on?
whitley]:How are you?
owens]:Can you hear me, man? I'm good man
whitley]:Yes,
owens]:doing
whitley]:I hear
owens]:really
whitley]:you. Can
owens]:good
whitley]:you hear
owens]:today.
whitley]:me
owens]:How you feeling?
whitley]:Feel pretty
owens]:I
whitley]:good?
owens]:can and I think we have
whitley]:Pretty
owens]:that
whitley]:good.
owens]:little delay. things same as last time,
whitley]:Yes,
owens]:So I'm going to have to remember to pause a little bit in between my responses to that.
whitley]:Yes, you and me both.
owens]:So what's good today, man, you're doing good. What's
whitley]:Yeah,
owens]:what's exciting
whitley]:doing all right.
owens]:today?
whitley]:Um, baby boy is done to two days this past week where he slept through the night and woke up with a dry pull
whitley]:up. That's like super exciting.
owens]:M. Yeah,
whitley]:So fun stuff
owens]:beautiful,
whitley]:there. Yeah,
owens]:Great
whitley]:he's
owens]:man.
whitley]:at school right now
owens]:as girl.
owens]:All right man. Well, we're here, so just a little bit of context and this won't be difficult at all. Right. One
owens]:of
whitley]:Right.
owens]:the context of what we're doing here is basically, I'm gonna ask you a few questions we'll get into like jamming,
owens]:and kind of a natural intuitive conversation. And I want I want it to be that conversational style and basically
owens]:any questions that I ask you. It's you know, I want the answers to be Uh, to come from you navigating this
owens]:place as a man, right, you, navigating the world as a man, and you're responsive to things as a man so that the
owens]:audience can relate to that. You know. Um,
whitley]:Yeah,
owens]:so you know we'll go through and uh, yeah, I'll just kind of take us on a journey based on the questions and
owens]:anything you say that I kind of want to dig into deep deeper. I'll just be intuitive about that and just jam on
owens]:it for a little bit,
whitley]:It sounds good About how long will we go? You say thirty minutes.
owens]:So I want to keep them less than thirty minutes. I've done a couple interview so far and they've gone over thirty
owens]:minutes because we were in a really good conversation, but the goal is to get them under thirty minutes and still get
owens]:a lot of good content packed into that time without over being
whitley]:Sure
owens]:overwhelming.
whitley]:Sounds good.
owens]:All right, let me see here what this thing is telling me. All right, We're recording already, So what I'm going
owens]:to do is I'm going to do a separate intro later on based on what content comes out of this podcast. So when you
owens]:and I start talking, the the listener will have already heard the intro. so we're just you and I are going
whitley]:Okay,
owens]:to get right into it
whitley]:Sounds good.
owens]:All right, man, let me ask you this. I always ask this. Are you? M. What level of comfort you have talking
owens]:about money? Financial success, Because obviously a lot of men like to. They're inspired by that. So what level
owens]:are you comfortable talking about that
whitley]:Um, I'm any level. I suppose I don't like. Like. What do you mean? Specifically?
owens]:Well, are you willing to say, like how much you generate per year with the things you do now? Do you? Would you
owens]:say you know? five figure, six, figure seven, seven figure. Do you want to keep it general like that? You want
owens]:to say the ways that you make money like some people, Just don't like talking about money at all, but I just
owens]:want to find out where you're at with that.
whitley]:Yeah, let's let's keep it general and it'll be good.
owens]:What's that?
whitley]:I said. let's keep it general. That should be good.
owens]:All? right? Um, so let me get the idea what general means to you? Is that mean saying? Are you okay with saying like
owens]:a
owens]:Um, a number per year, Like not a specific number, but like a figure like six, figure, seven, figure five
whitley]:Yeah,
owens]:figure. whatever.
whitley]:yeah, six figures is
owens]:Okay,
whitley]:good.
owens]:Okay, cool All right and anything off limits?
whitley]:Think so. um, I don't think so. I am. I do want to be able to mention the workshop that I've got coming up on
whitley]:March second
whitley]:For the Advancing Man project. If that's cool.
owens]:Yeah, definitely at the end we'll get into that where I'll talk about what you're doing now and you can. That's
owens]:when you can speak about that and
whitley]:Sure,
owens]:that will come toward the end. We'll definitely get into it.
whitley]:Sure,
owens]:All right man. Well, let's just have a good conversation and we'll get started here in just a second and make sure all
owens]:systems are up. Microphone is good. You can hear me good.
whitley]:Hear you very well,
owens]:Okay, see me. see me. fine.
whitley]:Hm.
owens]:Okay,
whitley]:The only
owens]:you were
whitley]:issue
owens]:going
whitley]:is that
owens]:in
whitley]:little
owens]:and out
whitley]:bit of
owens]:just
whitley]:lag.
owens]:a second ago. Is the Okay?
whitley]:No,
owens]:Um? I was gonna say you were going in and out a second ago or anything that would be causing that
whitley]:In and out, volume or or video or both
owens]:Both.
whitley]:Beyond just a internet connection. No, not that I know of.
owens]:Okay,
owens]:We're good to go on this end, so let's just get right into it all right.
owens]:All right, You're all welcome to another episode of the Committed Man podcast. I'm excited about this one because
owens]:I'm here with my good friend Dave, Whitley, Dave. How you doing today? Man?
whitley]:I'm doing fantastic today. Thanks so much for having me on. I'm looking forward to this too
owens]:Yes, sir, definitely, we've had long history. You and I go back years in the fitness industry and connected
owens]:at some different conferences and things that we were going to think back, two thousand between two thousand,
owens]:seven, two thousand ten. And you know, since then lost a little bit connect, little bit of connection, because
owens]:we're both just hustling doing our things out in the world and raising families and stuff like that. but recently
owens]:we've reconnected due to some similar things that we're doing online. and so I'm glad we're here today. Uh,
owens]:yeah, so let's catch up a little bit, man. what? what? What's been going on over the last? You know? ten or so
owens]:years that we haven't been in touch.
whitley]:Well. I was in the fitness business, As you, as you mentioned, Um. I was primarily doing stuff, teaching workshops
whitley]:and certifications around in the Kettle Bell world. Um. Then I started working on becoming a performing strong man
whitley]:and keynote speaker, and that became like the main focus of what I was doing, The mental aspects of doing feats
whitley]:of strength like ripping decks of cards, bending nails, driving a nail through a board without a hammer And change.
whitley]:that kind of stuff led me in the direction of using that as a personal development type tool. and so I started
whitley]:applying those mental training aspects to. you know, my relationships in my business and other areas of my life,
whitley]:got good results out of that. Started using it with my coaching. Clients got good results out of that and then
whitley]:started moving in the direction of online coaching. After the pandemic hit and all of my Get on a plane, go somewhere,
whitley]:speak in front of a group of people and come home stuff got shut down, so I moved into the online coaching space
whitley]:with personal development there and then, in the midst of all that wound up having a child after a lot of time
whitley]:and effort and trips to to see specialists and all that, it was a very difficult process in getting our son
whitley]:here. so that happened, and I was actually thankful to not be on the road quite so much. and currently I am in a
whitley]:place where the Emphasis of my online coaching is working with dad's, particularly newer dads, with younger
whitley]:kids who are fitness and health minded, and also business oriented or entrepreneurial, and they have seen themselves
whitley]:exhibiting characteristics from their upbringing that they don't want to pass on to their child. I call that generational
whitley]:cycles of whatever you know, conflicting beliefs, negative thoughts around relationships or money or behaviors
whitley]:or whatever, And I, when my son was born, I took it upon myself to correct as much of that within myself as I
whitley]:could, and it's an ongoing process and it's become a mission for me to help other men do the same sort of thing.
whitley]:So when we re connected and I saw you doing the committed man stuff on Facebook, I immediately fell in love with
whitley]:it. I'm not just face book all social media, but I immediately fell in love with it. I'm like this guy and I are
whitley]:vibing on the same frequency to a great degree, and then when we reconnected we found out just how true That
whitley]:was when we started talking about books that were important to us in various aspects of things that have happened
whitley]:during the time that we weren't really in contact with each other, so I'm really really pleased to be here.
owens]:Yeah, man, so there's a couple of things you brought up that I really want to touch on. So you mentioned having
owens]:you know bringing your son into this world, so let's give some context of that so if you don't mind sharing
owens]:how old are you? Because a lot of men have sons a little earlier
whitley]:Yeah,
owens]:in life and you have son and
whitley]:yeah,
owens]:I know you're You know you look really young and you're healthy and strong, but let's give some. Let's be
owens]:real about it. How old are you?
whitley]:Well, I'm healthy and strong and and that's true, but my, my. I noticed that somewhere along the way, all the hair
whitley]:on my face turned white not too long ago, and I,
owens]:Yeah,
whitley]:m. I am fifty three years old. My son is four. He was born a month before I turned forty eight. I guess yeah,
whitley]:so yeah, part of that was by choice between my wife and myself. We were having a lot of fun traveling and just
whitley]:doing all sorts of stuff that you're able to do when you don't A young child in the mix. But then We, we realized
whitley]:that we were missing something that we didn't have because we didn't have a child. And so we decided she was.
whitley]:She's hell, she forty six, So she was forty two or forty three when he was born, So yeah, we, we got into the
whitley]:game, The parent on game a little bit late, which is very much backwards from the way a lot of people do it, but
whitley]:I'm really glad that that's the way we did it, because there are things that I understand and am able to to
whitley]:just do in my daily life that you know, twenty Over thirty year old meat had no awareness of, And so I feel
whitley]:like having more life experience on the front end is making me a better parent on the back end.
owens]:Man, no doubt, so you mentioned also that there were things almost like a mirror that was held up in front of
owens]:you right, having this son coming into your world. that showed you some traits and principles in your life That
owens]:maybe you weren't as sound as you wanted them to be, as you were going to be teaching this young man how to
owens]:how to navigate the world. So what is it that came up for you that you knew you needed to change when you were
owens]:making a decision to raise a young man?
whitley]:Well, there were a lot of things, Um, one of the first ones that comes to mind the big one and I had done a great
whitley]:deal of correction on myself within this area before he ever showed up. like one of the biggest ones for me.
whitley]:Growing up in my family was a scarcity and lack mind set around money. M. there was a lot of of blue collar work
whitley]:ethic Go out there and work really hard and sell your time and get these scraps and bring him home and guard them
whitley]:with your life, because Someone could come and take him at any moment. And so there was just a lot of negative
whitley]:energy around money, finances, wealth, abundance, all of that kind of stuff. I grew up pretty poor, and you know
whitley]:now things are much better. I'm in the in the six figure a year realm, as we were talking about before we started
whitley]:recording, But that was one thing for sure. I don't ever want him to to have those kinds of feelings around
whitley]:money and around abundance Around scarcity. Rather another really really important thing for me is it took me a
whitley]:long time to be able to have good conversations with myself. Like I'm really fond of the of asking the question
whitley]:that if you knew someone who talked about you and talked to you, the way that you talked to yourself about
whitley]:yourself, is that person on your side, or that your mortal enemy, and so Part of my journey and evolution is
whitley]:a man has been getting my own mind right, so that when I'm having a conversation within myself, within my own secret
whitley]:places where no one else can hear and no one else knows what's going on that that me and myself and I are all on
whitley]:the same team, and that I'm not beating myself up over a mistake, or I'm not judging. You know, my, the qualities
whitley]:that I perceive is my worst most undesirable qualities. Against what I perceive Someone else is highlight, real, and
whitley]:drawing just an impossible comparison like that. So it's been very much about my own self concept, my own self
whitley]:image, in the way that that I view myself, and consequently the way that I act and view the world, because that's
whitley]:where all that comes from the way that we think becomes the way that we act in the way that we behave in the
whitley]:things that we do, and the person we become.
owens]:Powerful man. What showed you Because you do a lot of the strong man stuff. talk about. Let's go here first.
owens]:Talk about three or four of the key things that you do when it comes to your strong man feats.
whitley]:You mean like specific feats of strength,
owens]:Yeah, like I know you ripped ex cars. I know you mentioned
whitley]:Hm,
owens]:driving a nail. Let's be more specific like Yeah, What are three or four things that? when you go out and do say
owens]:you do a show somewhere that you do that people are like. What in the hell
whitley]:Um, bending the nail, and I don't have anything set up so that I can show anybody right now, but I've got a bent
whitley]:nail laying here on my desk, but taking one of these, this is a sixty penny nail. It is six inches long, quarter
whitley]:inch in diameter, and it takes about dependent on the quality of the steel, because it varies a great deal.
whitley]:It takes about two hunder, fifty or three under pounds of force expressed through the hands and risks to be able
whitley]:to bend one of those, Um, so that one always goes over. Well, I included him. I don't think I've ever done a show
whitley]:that I didn't include that Particular feed in, because that was the feat that the old time strong men of the
whitley]:vaudeville era, and even before that, it was kind of a ride of passage. If you couldn't do that, you weren't really
whitley]:taken seriously as a strength guy or strong man back then, right, so,
owens]:M,
whitley]:um, bendin steel like that, I've been longer still to have been wrenches, bent hammers, horse shoes, Um, someone
whitley]:once told me after a show I took a longer piece of steel and coiled it up in this particular design and they
whitley]:came up To the show and ask if they could have the balloon animal that I made. So you know, doing that sort
whitley]:of stuff breaking chains. I break a chain around my chest without using my hands just through chest expansion.
whitley]:That's more of a of a breath control and mind feet then than the others. and probably the most
owens]:M,
whitley]:mind intensive feet is the one where I drive the nail through the board without a hammer, because that is about
whitley]:speed. that is about one hundred percent confidence, and it is about absolutely shut Off anything else that could
whitley]:be a distraction. Right because when I was first learning to do that feat, Um, my mentor, Grand Master Strong
whitley]:man Dennis Rodgers had showed it to me and I wasn't able to do it And I figured out that one of the reasons that
whitley]:I was unable to do it is because I was hesitating and I was hesitating because he had sent me a video clip of himself
whitley]:showing me what can go wrong. And he, This was a live show in front of a crowd and there was a Equipment math
whitley]:function. I could explain all the details, but it's not really relevant to the story. there was an equipment
whitley]:malfunction, and instead of going through the board that had the frying pan and the license plate on top of
whitley]:it, that's what he was driving the nail through. Instead of going through that, the the head of the nail wound
whitley]:up in bedded in his hand, and he happened to catch it on video
owens]:M,
whitley]:and he caught the subsequent trip to the emergency room and the extraction on video. so I had a very very visceral
whitley]:video image of what could
owens]:M,
whitley]:happen when things go wrong, So when I would attempt to do this feat, I could feel myself slowing down and I would
whitley]:tell myself you've got this. You're strong enough. blahblablah, Um, but there was this protective mechanism within
whitley]:me. It's like this is stupid. And and you know what happened to the guy that taught you how to do this when
whitley]:it went wrong, And he's not here to watch you. So there was just like all of this internal
owens]:M,
whitley]:conflict, all this self doubt that went along with that. Finally, the next time I was able to go and train
whitley]:in person with him, M in Houston. That's That's where he lives and near you. Right and
owens]:Yeah, close,
whitley]:I went. And and he, he looked over my technique and he's like you don't have any technical shortcomings. Everything
whitley]:is lined up just right. You're definitely strong enough to do this, he says, The problem is undoubtedly in your
whitley]:mind. it's the only place it could be. And he said something that really hit me hard then and it's been one
whitley]:of those things that is sort of rippled out into every other area of my life. He said, You have to remove all
whitley]:the doubt, All the fear and all the limitation. It's in your mind because your mind controls your body. Now I
owens]:M,
whitley]:took that to heart and I had some previous experience with doing you know, meditation and breath, work, and visualization
whitley]:and stuff, and I said Okay, trying harder is not going to work here right. Just like attempting to force it more
whitley]:is not going to work. What I have to do is relax and be confident in this. so I pulled myself aside, went and
whitley]:sat down in the corner, got in a very relaxed place in my mind through some breath work, and got really calm
whitley]:and pulled up this image on the screen of my mind of M. T And the nail and popping a balloon with it, so in my
whitley]:mind I removed the board and I was popping a balloon with the point end of a nail, which is something that anyone
whitley]:can do right, and I ran through this multiple
owens]:M,
whitley]:times in my mind, and after about ten or fifteen minutes of that I said Okay, I'm ready to give this a shot. I
whitley]:get back up and go back over and I go up to the board. Get the nail. It's all wrapped up and I hit it so hard
whitley]:and it penetrated through so far that I banged my knuckles on the board, so it went from not being able to go
whitley]:all the way through at all, Two
owens]:M,
whitley]:penetrating by, you know, two inches or more in the space of fifteen or twenty minutes. So what changed there?
whitley]:This is what's really interesting to me, not the fact that I drove a nail through a board and I've never missed
whitley]:that feat since then. In a show it was instantaneous the switch that flipped in my mind. The only thing that changed
whitley]:was my perception of how things were going on and the way that I was talking to myself
owens]:M,
whitley]:and how I was seeing it play out in my mind. That was the only thing that changed. And so taking that idea that
whitley]:removed doubt, fear and limitation from your mind, because your mind controls your body, I started thinking What
whitley]:does the body really mean? Obviously, it's the meat suit that I'm that my soul is walking around in, But at
whitley]:the same time, it's everything that I'm experiencing in a three d reality right? So so all of my relationships are
whitley]:part of my quote body, all of my interactions with other people, all of my environment, all of my circumstance.
whitley]:S. All the conditions that Live in are part of my body extended. In this, this physical expression of who I
whitley]:am internally and I thought Okay, If that's true, and I believe it is, This should apply to any other area of my
whitley]:life, and I started doing it applying it, testing it, because I don't really care about theory. I want to know
whitley]:what actually happens when we, when we put the you know, put it to the test and it worked. And so that has been
whitley]:the basis Of of the majority of all the coaching that I do. you know, you and I've talked about books that we've
whitley]:read and stuff. a lot of the books from that same period of time, the late eighteen hundred, early nineteen hundreds,
whitley]:Um,
owens]:Yeah,
whitley]:the same period of time, That was the the height of the vaudeville Strong man as a live performed. Because that
whitley]:was before there were movies. Before you know, it was a live theater experience and the people wanted entertainment.
whitley]:That's how they had to do. I mean, a lot of folks back then didn't even have radios in their house for entertain,
whitley]:And so if they wanted to do that, they would go see shows. And so that was kind of the height of the classic
whitley]:Strong Man era. But all these other writings that were coming out from people like you know, Wallace Waddles, Napoleon
whitley]:Hill, Florence Govelshin, Nevill, Gottered, all of that personal development, new thought, mental science stuff
whitley]:was going on there, too. I think that was a very special time and that there is a lot of incredibly valuable and
whitley]:important information that can be gleaned from the principles that people Talking about. then that a kind of
whitley]:gotten pushed aside because it's not modern right. But you
owens]:M,
whitley]:know our bodies aren't modern. Our minds aren't modern. The planet that we live on isn't modern.
owens]:Yeah,
whitley]:The only thing that's modern is the
owens]:yeah,
whitley]:stuff that we've created by
owens]:Uh,
whitley]:using this incredible power of imagination and thought that we have. So if those fundamental principles are
whitley]:at play, I think that it, it is very valuable to be able to go back and look at those principles and see how
whitley]:they work. And if I can create my own reality, because I have an understanding of those principles, I can teach
whitley]:my son how to do that so that all of the blunders and all of the failures and all the fall a parting. You know
whitley]:all of the stuff. The mistakes that I made along the way are mistakes that he won't have to make and repeat because
whitley]:I've just locked him into some sort of a of a traditional Ist way of thinking, Like to me, tradition is pure
whitley]:pressure from dead people Right, and if one of the things that I had
owens]:M.
whitley]:to do was Was set aside the idea of like Well, this is just the way I've always done it. So that's the way I'm
whitley]:going to continue to do it and look at that instead through the lens of Okay, This is how I've always done it, But
whitley]:does it work And is it serving me, and once more, in the case we were talking about parenting, Will it serve him
whitley]:if I intentionally let it pass on to him right? So that's that's kind of where I am with all of that
owens]:Oh man, I hope every man who's listening to thist is really paying attention and just go rewind that last ten minutes
owens]:or so. And that's that's all you need to make it through. whatever your next obstacle is That that's coming,
owens]:because, um, you, just you, just laid out some principles and a framework for overcoming things where what do
owens]:you feel has been your biggest struggle.
owens]:We'll go back to being a man right, turning twenty one. From twenty one to now. What has been your biggest struggle
owens]:as a man on this earth?
whitley]:Understanding that I am the one who gets to consciously choose how I define my own masculinity, Right, because
owens]:M,
whitley]:and I became acutely aware of this again. Fatherhood Did this, you know, opened up this this way of thinking for me
whitley]:When I started thinking about what kind of a man do I want to be for my son? I started looking at Knwbecause.
whitley]:There's no instruction manual for being a father, And all we really have to draw on is our own experience growing
whitley]:up and who were around after we're grown, and what we see and hear and experience as a result of society, social
whitley]:media entertainment, That kind of stuff, and you know stereotypes exist because there is an element of truth in
whitley]:all of them, Like any stereo type of any kind of person or population. That that we can think of, there's an
whitley]:Men of truth in it, but it's like this narrow sliver, this, this tiny little part of what the entire person
whitley]:or the entire population or the entire culture that we're talking about, M actually entails, but a stereo type
whitley]:has taken. You know one or two of those little characteristics and then that defines the entire person right.
whitley]:So Im looking at all these different stereotypes of dad's and you know, like you've seen the movie. Um, what's
whitley]:it called? Fences with Denzil Washington, Right? And he's having the conversation with the young boy teen age
whitley]:kid, and and the kid
owens]:M,
whitley]:asks him this is his son. He says, Why didn't you ever like me And Denzil goes off on this long diatribe about
whitley]:I don't have to like you. You are a responsibility that I created. I've made sure that you're alive and safe and
whitley]:fed. I don't have to like you, and just like throws all of this like emotionally distant, absent provider. you know,
whitley]:Str. On Silent Man bullshit onto this kid and I'm like Well, that's a. that's a stereo type and it's being
whitley]:portrayed, But that's how the character was right. And so it got me thinking about all the different fatherhood
whitley]:stereotypes that we see. You know, there's the absent provider and the heavy handed disciplinarian, and there's
whitley]:the the,
whitley]:The father who the teen age girl brings the boy friend home for the first time and they meet and he says something.
whitley]:You know. The dad says something to the boy who's been respectful and nice and all that says something like If
whitley]:you do anything to my daughter, I'll kill you and they'll never find the body. And like we're just supposed
whitley]:to accept that. That's that's how Dad is supposed to be with a ten h daughter, you know. And and more than any
whitley]:other stereotype there's the Homer Simpson all Bundy, just bumbling idiot. Do Fis guy right? And I'm like none
whitley]:of these things are are complete. None of these things are who I want my son to grow up and become. Therefore,
whitley]:and none of these things are things that I'm willing to be as a father. You know, there has to be something more to
whitley]:it than this. And so that led me to thinking about what is masculinity. What does it mean to even be a man right?
whitley]:And and really, ultimately it means that we get to choose. We get to choose. We want to express ourselves. We
whitley]:get to choose what we want to pass on and what we want to to say. Okay, it stops here. These characteristics
whitley]:that I've inherited from my family are not getting passed on like one of the things that has. for as long as I could
whitley]:remember, That has quoted run in my family is type two diabetes. Well, what also runs in my family from generations
whitley]:back with on both sides, mother and father is stuff like taking corn bread and pouring caro syrup over it and
whitley]:eating that and wash Down with soda. So
owens]:M,
whitley]:of course diabetes runs in the family right, So so understanding that that, just
owens]:Yeah,
whitley]:like health, just like finance, is just like nutrition. Just like relationships, everything is a choice that can be made,
whitley]:and it's up to me to define that. That means that all the power lands on me, but it also means that all the responsibility
whitley]:lands on me, so anything messed up from my past isn't my fault. If I was conditioned that way before I was old
whitley]:enough to even know what condition meant. But even though it's not my fault that I was conditioned that way
whitley]:if I don't like it. If it's not useful to me, if it doesn't serve me, it is my responsibility to change it
whitley]:and to turn it into what I do want it to be, so that I can be the man that I want to be, just not just for myself
whitley]:but for my son, and for generations to come right. There's this.
owens]:Oh
whitley]:There's
owens]:yeah,
whitley]:this idea that I ran across called the transitional character, and that is simply put, Um, a person, a single person,
whitley]:who, within the space of one general Ation, changes the model so much that the entire family lineage is changed from
whitley]:then on, and there's no distinction between good and bad there right? so I'm choosing to look at it in a positive
whitley]:light. That can I be the transitional character with my son in all these different areas. You know, I talked
whitley]:earlier about how financially that's something that that I have dealt with all my life and I've gotten into
whitley]:in pretty good place now And fitness wise, obviously much better off now. so I'm looking at what other areas do I
whitley]:get to re define And it can be terrifying to think of. There's this quality that is in me that has been there for
whitley]:so long that the idea of not having it there almost feels like a threat to my existence because my identity is so
whitley]:wrapped up in a particular quality. Yeah, that's terrifying. but does that particular quality serve you or is
whitley]:it working against you? And if it's working against you, let A part of the identity die and let the new man be born.
owens]:M. man. Okay, So you've obviously made strides in your own personal development. and now you've you've come
owens]:up with these frameworks and these principles that are allowing you to raise your son in a way that you can
owens]:use all the wisdom you've gained and helped him to become the man he wants to be. So let's talk a little bit
owens]:about the work that you're excited about right now that you're doing with the Advancing Man projects. So tell
owens]:us
whitley]:M.
owens]:what is the Anting Man project And what had you excited about doing that work?
whitley]:The Advancing Man Project is the M. current state of evolution. In my coaching, Um. It? The name comes from Wallace
whitley]:Waldll's book The Science of getting rich, which we talked about, M recently that the the central idea of the
whitley]:advancing man or the advancing person is that they understand that life is something that is continually increasing
whitley]:and unfolding, and the more Or we can help facilitate that for someone else, the better off everyone is going to be.
whitley]:And so I looked at that through the lens of of being a father, and I thought Okay, how do you track? And how
whitley]:do you measure parenthood? You know, if we're talking about finances, we can look at spread sheets. Right if
whitley]:we're talking about going in the gym. Is there more weight on the bar or did you do more raps, or did you run
whitley]:farther or faster? Whatever, those things are very tangible and very measurable Being a dad. It's like that's
whitley]:that's kind of out there and it's in. It's more ethereal Right and I thought okay, Ed. it's very core basic element.
whitley]:What is one thing? One principle that I can that I can use as a Litmus test, yes or no, and what I arrived at
whitley]:is in every single interaction that I have with my son, no matter what the conditions, no matter what the circumstance
whitley]:es, no matter what time of day, no matter what kind of emotional state I'm in none of that. Every single interaction
whitley]:that I can have, Can I leave him in some way better off than he was before that interaction? And if I can, then good,
whitley]:and if I, and if I can and I didn't then that's the only fail right. I mean, there may be situations that come
whitley]:up where I'm not able to find a way to to make some sort of a a of an improvement or a, you know a betterment,
whitley]:something that allows him to understand things better, or to you know, Developed in a better way, But I haven't
whitley]:run across one yet. The only times that that that a situation has happened when I'm not able to do that. It's been
whitley]:a shortcoming on my part that something in me, either my emotional state or or you know, whatever level of awareness
whitley]:I have around the situation wasn't up to task to be able to do that, and it happens very very rarely because
whitley]:I've I've repeated that to myself so much. Now that is like Okay, I'm hanging out with him. We're sitting on
whitley]:the couch watching Spider Man. What can I do here that will help him to advance and unfold a little bit more right,
whitley]:So we can talk about what's on the screen or I can you know, say something kind to him or whatever, right, Um,
whitley]:And the thing that I found out is that it's not always fun and it's not always pleasant and it's not always a
whitley]:happy experience to leave him better off than he was. For example, my dad's birthday was in December and it's
whitley]:currently February, and my dad passed away in twenty twenty, and so on my dad's birth, I was kind of feeling
whitley]:it. You know as a grown man my dad was. He was my dad right. And so I'm feeling it and my son comes up to me
whitley]:and he says to me. Why does your face look like that? I say. What do you mean by? He says, your face looks like
whitley]:you're You're sad or like you're upset, and I'm like Well, I am a little bit sad and I started explaining to
whitley]:him why and I started crying and he listen to me for Ou know the ninety seconds or so that it took me to explain
whitley]:And he said okay, daddy, and walks off And and that was Just an interaction and so I realized that in a case
whitley]:like that, it would be very easy for me to fall back on one of those strong silent disciplinarian stereotypes
whitley]:and like, Oh, there's nothing wrong, you know, Because boys don't cry and and men are hard, and whatever right.
whitley]:but what I chose to do was open up and be vulnerable and show him a
owens]:M.
whitley]:grown man who he knows to be strong. who he knows to be, you know, emotionally invested in him. Um, who does what
whitley]:he can to be a good man? be emo Ally, vulnerable, and express grief in such a way that I was able to connect with
whitley]:him there right, and so In that little interaction which was pretty miserable for me. to be honest, Um, he walks
whitley]:away from it at four years old. May be not cognitively consciously knowing and understanding it, but he's been exposed
whitley]:to a healthy expression of grief between two people who care about each other, And if there's anything that all of
whitley]:us will experience at some point of our life, it's going to be grief right. It's coming. We're going to lose
whitley]:people.
owens]:M,
whitley]:And and so to just to to you, No, Be a man and shut all that down is not something I want to pass on to him.
whitley]:So that's an example of one that's not so fun and not so pleasant, you know, But then again there's there's
whitley]:other stuff like we were outside, Um, and he was getting eady to go down and slide, and he was feel a little bit
whitley]:apprehensive about Nd. he said, I feel a little bit nervous about this, Daddy, and I said Okay, That's you know.
whitley]:It's it's a scary thing to do, so it's fine. I understand, and it's okay that you feel a little bit nervous
whitley]:that you feel little bit afraid about. and he thought about it for a second. he said, Can I do my I, Ms. and
whitley]:let me qualify what that means. Since he was born, his mother and I have both every single day told him these things
whitley]:that we believe to be true about him, and as he's gotten older
owens]:M.
whitley]:and gotten verbal and gotten you know, more conscious and aware of himself, more self aware, he started using this
whitley]:as as a thing that he does, and so he sits at the top of this slide after asking me if it's okay for him to
whitley]:say my I am and he says I'm small, I'm strong, I'm brave, I'm kind. I can do anything and then he just jets
whitley]:down the slide laughing. Giggling, Had a great time like that, so it was really meaningful for me to see
owens]:Oh,
whitley]:that. All of these times of telling
owens]:yeah,
whitley]:him over and over again, this is who I believe you to be. he's internalized that to the point that at four years
whitley]:old he can look at a situation that is uncomfortable and he can consciously choose to speak to himself in such a way
whitley]:to pull himself out of that And go back to enjoying what he was doing, and I'm like I know grown men, grown women
whitley]:that they don't even think that's a possibility, much less that they're capable of it. If something sucks. It
whitley]:just sucks. If something is good, then it's just good. but really our mind is in control of everything. our mind
whitley]:controls our body. our imaginations create our reality, and so that sort of stuff, being able to have those
whitley]:interactions with him no matter how it feels to me, but being authentic and being honest and doing it from a
whitley]:point of view, I'm no place where I am driven by the intention that after this interaction some way he's going
whitley]:to be better off than he was. That's very powerful and again, it's not always big things like this. Sometimes the
whitley]:interaction that I have with him is he's. You know. Hey, are you hungry? Yes, okay here, let me give you a
whitley]:snack. He's better off because now he's not hungry. he's nourishing his body right. It can be something as simple
owens]:Yeah,
whitley]:and mondain that, or it can be something
owens]:yeah,
whitley]:as
owens]:no doubt,
whitley]:as profound and emotional as the other examples that I gave.
owens]:Yeah, no doubt, man, this is really powerful stuff that your you're putting out here. I have two questions
owens]:left for you. Okay,
whitley]:Okay.
owens]:The first question is there's this idea that a lot of your advancing Man project revolves around with Dad's
owens]:becoming the heroes that their sons need. What does that
whitley]:Hm,
owens]:mean to you?
whitley]:Well, it's not just sons, it's it's any child. right. Um, and
owens]:Any child?
whitley]:I just
owens]:Okay,
whitley]:happened to have a son. So when I talk about it, I tend to say my son more often, because because I only have
whitley]:one child and he's a son, But it's it's true of any child. Um, I realized looking back on my own past that there
whitley]:were points in my life where as a child I was looking for a role model. I was looking for a hero to fulfill
whitley]:a certain need that I was having emotionally that I wasn't getting At home or from my parents or from from school
whitley]:or teachers or whatever, And so I was talking with my coach as I'm developing the Advancing Man Pro project
whitley]:about this and he says, Well, all kids need a hero right, I mean, at some point we go through these various
whitley]:different stages of looking at people. Hero worship that might get called Some time influence, role model, Inspiration
whitley]:at all is varying degrees of the same thing, and it occurred to me that if I Don't consciously do the things that
whitley]:I want to do, and if I'm not consciously being the man that my son deserves to have as a father, then I'm selling
whitley]:him short, because I'm not being the hero that he might need at any given point, And you know kids are looking
whitley]:for heroes and they're going to find one. they're going to. There's there's no way around that, And if it's not
whitley]:going to be me, then is it going to be? you know, Ask Clown for twenty on Tik Tok, or you Cork Queen on Instagram
whitley]:or something. So so it's my responsibility to be the role model and I just I like the idea that if a kid's
whitley]:looking for a hero, it's up to us to step up and become that hero, Because in previous work that I've done, and
whitley]:then the the last book that I wrote Super Human U. I talk about super human powers. Our powers are are. The word
whitley]:power comes from the Latin root of porter, which means the abil. Your capacity to do something human is the experience
whitley]:that we're having, and super means over above or beyond, or exhibiting the characteristics of its type to an
whitley]:extreme or excessive degree. So super human power means the things that we are innately born with and able to do
whitley]:as humans done in such a way that it is such a high level that it is way beyond average, and it's just completely.
whitley]:Um. You can't not notice. It Can't not be affected by it. and everyone has superhuman powers. Everyone
owens]:M.
whitley]:has powers that can become super human powers, I guess is a better way to say that, And so for me wrapping everything
whitley]:up in super human strength, you know strength. it's being expressed above what would be a normal degree. You
whitley]:know, rippin Dex cards ave been in stealer. whatever, It's sort of all evolved out of that. And so how can I take that
whitley]:idea and develop my power of being a father to a super human level? And if I can do that, and I'm there for
whitley]:him and I'm Doing it with the intention of leaving him better off with every interaction that impression of increase
whitley]:that law of advancement that Wallace Wallace talks about. Then I am aspiring to be a hero. Whether or not he ever
whitley]:actually looks me in the eye and says Daddy, You're my hero is completely irrelevant because it's up to me to take
whitley]:care of me, and in taking care of me and being who I need to be, I get to be that for him as well, too.
owens]:Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. So now this transition to this second question that I have for you, what does it mean
owens]:to you to be a committed man?
whitley]:To be a committed man. It means that once the decision is made,
whitley]:There's no turning back once the decision is made. Follow through is the only thing that's left, right, Um, we live
whitley]:in a world now where preferences get thrown around under the guys of being a decision. right, um,
owens]:M.
whitley]:A preference means you know, right now I feel this way and later I might feel that way. And so I'm going to
whitley]:show up different and and that's fine, you know, like if we're talking about listening to music, there are days
whitley]:I want to The van hailin there days I want to listen to you know, Whalen Jennings or whatever, And that's a
whitley]:preference thing, but a decision. That word is so critical and so important that I actually like many other
whitley]:words that I use in my shows. I wanted to go in and get extreme clarity on what it meant because as the quote
whitley]:goes from Tony Blower, the clarity with which we define something determines its usefulness. So I'm like what
whitley]:actually is a decision. And if we look at the entomology of that and the root of it, it comes from two Latin
whitley]:words, day, which means from, and cider, which means to cut. So if we're truly making a decision, we're so committed
whitley]:to something that we are cutting Selves off from every other possibility. Now there's an infinite number of possibilities,
owens]:M,
whitley]:and if I'm going to be committed, I am putting my attention into this one possibility and I am cutting myself
whitley]:off infinitely from anything that doesn't match up with that. So that's what it means to me and my own level
whitley]:of commitment is I am. I am a committed man to becoming the advancing man. Right. I want to express that impression
whitley]:of increase to everybody. So
owens]:M.
whitley]:that's one of the reasons that that I'm so excited to be talking to you today is because what we talk about. it
whitley]:doesn't even mess up like this. It's like it's the same thing we're just standing on. Like standing on different
whitley]:sides of the table looking at the same center piece is how I feel about the way that you and I are approaching
whitley]:things.
owens]:Yeah, man, I think this work that we're doing is so important because men need their men, and there the need
owens]:to be people, men who have come a certain distance in their life, that are willing to put themselves out there in
owens]:a crrageous way To say, here's a message that may work for you, may not right. But here's a perspective that
owens]:I want to offer up. And if it works for you great, because what I've seen is these things work right. They're based
owens]:on principles.
whitley]:Hm.
owens]:So if we have enough men doing that, I think we, And advance men all around the world, Because what I believe
owens]:right now is that men are progressively getting weaker and it's a strategic weakening that's going on when you
owens]:think about what's happening with social media, And you know, news media and all the all the inputs that men
owens]:have the opportunity to let in are becoming the distraction, and I think distraction is the ultimate villains.
owens]:so I appreciate
whitley]:Definitely,
owens]:the work you're doing. I know you have something special coming up that or that And can plug into, right the dad
owens]:can plug into. So what's what's the workshop you have coming up?
whitley]:Yes, the workshop is called Operation Break and Replace, and the focal point of it's coming up March second of
whitley]:this year. So in a couple of weeks from when we're recording this, and the focal point of that is if we look at
whitley]:these generational cycles of conflicted belief, unwanted thinking, negative self talk habits that don't serve
whitley]:us, and, and things that that we do, and we wonder why we're doing them, and we know that they're not what What
whitley]:we want to do. They're not moving us in the direction that we're going, but we feel like we're being controlled by
whitley]:something other than ourselves. That's all wired into what I call the internal code, which is the operating system
whitley]:of how we think and how we feel and how we act. And so we're gonna in this workshop, And it's it will be between
whitley]:two and three hours long. It's it's not just uh, uh, here's a few tips and tricks kind of thing. I go pretty in
whitley]:depth on this stuff about understand Anding um where you are and getting a good idea of where you want to be
whitley]:and understanding that that any and all of us can cross that gap if we want to. And I want to bring men into
whitley]:this, and for just a couple of hours show them that they don't have to succumb to being a stereo type. They
whitley]:don't have to um, continually, re live the sins of the past, And you know the upbringing that they have that
whitley]:they don't have to just choose a stereo tye, Because what you were saying a minute ago about about weakening men,
whitley]:The stereo type thing applies to that too right. it's like right now it seems like we, you can either be a soi
whitley]:boy or you can be a complete dick head, toxic masculinity person. And that's what men are being portrayed as,
whitley]:And the fact is I've never met either one of those people who is one hundred percent that stereo type in real life.
whitley]:I mean, people lean one way or the other, but it doesn't have to be either one of those things, Especially
whitley]:when we're talking about with our children, right. so my objective with this is I want men to come in. I want them
whitley]:to be starkly honest with himself and say you know what, in this area in this area in this area, I'm not doing
whitley]:what I would like to be doing and it's up to me to change it, so I'm going to break and replace those generational
whitley]:cycles. And so we've got the entire workshop that we go through on all that I talk about the the process and the
whitley]:framework of of you know step by step what the what the steps are that I use Help coachmen through this sort
whitley]:of stuff and you get a really good over view of what the Advancing Man Project coaching system really looks like,
whitley]:And it's completely free. The workshop is free. And if the U r l for that is Advancing Man Project Dot Com, you
whitley]:go there. Feel it, a little, um, name and email address You get on the list. You get all that the details email
whitley]:to you about when and where and and how to log on and all that. So I would love to see as many men as Possible
whitley]:who are ready to take charge of this and become their kids hero. Ultimately
owens]:Yeah, so let's see. I think you might have cut off there, but anyway, we're going to put that. we're gonna link
owens]:everything up in the show notes and Dave.
whitley]:Okay,
owens]:I just want to preciate your time. I appreciate your wisdom that you share. There's so many nuggets in this podcast
owens]:that any man listening to it as worth going back and re winding. Just listen to the whole thing again. Make sure
owens]:you get your note pad out. The principles that are in this podcast are amazing and will advance your life, so
owens]:make sure you go into the show notes. Click The link to go to the Advancing Man Project and become part of that
owens]:workshop that Dave's putting on for free again. Just putting good will out into the world. So Dave. thank you
owens]:for your time. I really
whitley]:Thank
owens]:appreciate
whitley]:you,
owens]:your being on
whitley]:I appreciate it down.
